All My Favorite Colors
by Leramei
Summary: Life has a way of giving you everything only to take it away. Blaine centric. Klaine. contains some angst. cancer!fic companion to Turn Away


Disclaimer: still not mine

A/N: accompanied to Turn Away, can be read independently

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><p>All My Favorite Colors<p>

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><p>He knew before I did. I was my usual oblivious until he began to shrink. I have always been a fairly tactile person and when he first started to lose weight I thought it was a conscious effort. But when I could feel his ribs when I hugged him I knew something was wrong. I wish it had been anything else.<p>

When we go the diagnosis I turned to Google. WebMD and Wikipedia had tons of information. I wanted to badly to help him. In five minutes I saw all of the little things I had been passing off as jitters or bad luck were really symptoms and I felt like a failure. I truly felt like I had let him down because I didn't notice that something was wrong. Kurt was so strong when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry until no more tears came.

Burt called me the day after the diagnosis. He was petrified, Kurt was finally crying and he didn't know any way to comfort him. It was then that I knew I had to be there for Kurt and his father and stop wallowing in pity. It almost seems foolish that I didn't follow my own advice, 'courage'.

The first round of chemo fell during exams. I would drive the two hours from Dalton every day after we were let out. I felt almost as exhausted as Burt looked after that week. The first few days I thought maybe we had dodged the bullet and Kurt would handle the chemo easily, then he began to get violently ill.

I think we were all holding our breath that week. Kurt alternated between lying in his hospital bed in tears and vomiting. I wanted to cry for him, but I knew he would worry if I did and he needed to focus on himself. The hours I spent sitting behind him holding a bowl in front of his face so he would get vomit everywhere was the closest to I could get to helping.

Finn accidently told Rachel that Kurt was sick the night before Kurt's last dose. I was staying the night at the Hummel's house, as it was a Friday, when he texted me an apology. If he had been in the room with me I probably would have hit him. I got a twenty minute warning before he dragged me around to pick up Rachel and Mercedes. I wanted to strangle Rachel by the time we got to the hospital, she would not stop talking and I was too tired to ignore her.

Kurt had a good day then. He only seemed to be in a little pain and he didn't vomit the entire time the four of us were there. The others left after we sang, but I stayed with Kurt. I just sat and stared into his eyes, and he just laid stared into mine. I don't know when we began to cry. It was the first time I cried. Eventually he started to heave again and I climbed into his bed and held him until he fell asleep.

Burt returned to Kurt's room as we began to doze off. He didn't say anything, standing in the door, but his eyes spoke volumes. "You're scared for him." I whispered. He nodded, "I watched his mom do this ten years ago. If he," he took to deep breath, "I don't know what will happen if he doesn't pull through." I offered him the best smile I could muster, "Kurt is the strongest person I have ever met. I will do anything to keep him." Burt didn't reply, instead he ruffled my hair before sitting in the long abandoned chair.

That night I helped Carole and Finn turn their den into Kurt's bedroom. A hospital bed had been delivered that morning, along with some equipment. I had been an unspoken acknowledgement that Kurt wouldn't be able to make the journey up the stairs to his bedroom. Finn and I tried to make it seem homey, taking his decorations form his bedroom and putting them around his room. We almost dropped his vanity carrying it down the stairs. I had to go back to Dalton after that, but Finn called to inform on Kurt to me. Evidently he threw a tantrum when he saw his den-bedroom. I wish I could have been there to see his fire.

I visited as often as I could that week, but the weekend was sectionals so Warbler practice filled up a lot of my time. I called him every night, but I think he was barely awake during anything past the initial greetings. I don't really remember sectionals. I gave up my solos to Nick. I couldn't put in the focus necessary to be the Warbler soloist with Kurt sick. We won, which was nice, but I really hadn't cared. I was around a lot more the next week, which turned out good, as New Directions was gearing up for their sectionals and they couldn't stop in and visit often. I was glad when Burt announced that he was taking Kurt. I elected to return to Dalton for the weekend to allow for them to have some time together.

Burt called me my last day of class before winter holiday. He wanted me to come see Kurt before he had to go back to the hospital. When I arrived Kurt met me at the door and guided me into his makeshift room. We lay on his bed facing each other and talked until we fell asleep. He woke me up with a scream. I nearly fell off the bed before I tried to save him. He looked so lost when he stared at his fist clenched around a section of hair before he flung himself into my arms, sobbing. I held him as I silently pleaded to his family, who had been summoned by his shrieks, to help. Burt wrapped his arms around us and rocked us until Finn blurted "I'll shave my head."

I didn't know if Kurt was going to laugh or cry harder, but he stopping sobbing to stare at his brother. "To make it less bad. You won't be the only one bald," Finn rambled. "Me, too," I whispered into his ear, his father rumbling an agreement above us and Carole chiming in from the doorway. I was amazed at how much effort he put into talking Carole out of it and trying to talk me into keeping my hair, but I ignored his pleas. Before anyone ate breakfast that day all of us, except Carole who did the shearing, were shaved bald.

Taking Kurt back for another round of chemo was hard. I knew it would save his life, but he looked so dejected when we had to abandon him with Carole and take Finn to school. I drove to my Mom's house that morning. I was never happier to see her than the moment I walked into our kitchen. I ran across the linoleum and embraced her, sobbing. I tried to explain all I was feeling as we sunk to the floor but I don't think I made any sense to her. I nearly fell asleep after a while, but she managed to get me awake enough to stumble into my bedroom before I slept for the rest of the day on top of my bed. Finn woke me up when he texted me to ask my help in shaving the New Direction boy's heads the next day. I sent him back my agreement and then slept until my alarm sounded.

Shaving the guy's heads was both fun and upsetting. I wanted to be with Kurt, but I knew this would make him happy and he always needed something to be happy about. The happy feeling seemed contagious. Kurt recovered so quickly from that bought of chemo. He was feeling good enough after two weeks post-chemo that I took him on a proper date to Breadsticks. Time flew, Christmas passed, and it was time for me to go back to school and Kurt to go back to the Hospital.

He struggled more through the third bought than he had the first two combined. When he was finally looking like he would begin to recover some and be allowed to go home he spiked a fever. I tried to get in as often as I could, but weekends were easiest. I was with Mercedes in Kurt's room when he suddenly passed out. His heart rate dropped and all sorts of alarms began to shriek and we were shoved into the hall in time for Burt to return. I have never seen Burt move that fast. One moment he was lazily walking from the elevator then next he flew past us into Kurt's room only to join us a second later. We just stood there, staring at each other afraid to say a word until they finally rushed past us with Kurt. Burt followed them but I was pinned to my spot, knees shaking. I must have started crying because Mercedes hugged me, murmuring into my ear while I tried to stand.

Burt returned and sent Mercedes home. I took me to a section of the hospital I had never seen before. He explained that they had taken Kurt to a clean room and upped all of his medications with the hopes of allowing him to fight off the sickness he had. The two of us spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday stating in the large window staring at the motionless boy we both loved. I skipped Warblers for the next week and a half, opting to stand next to Burt for the hours between school letting out and when he sent me home. I skipped school for the first time since I met Kurt when Burt called me after eleven days to inform me that Kurt was awake. There are not words to describe to relief I felt when I saw him move with my own eyes.

I was angry that they wouldn't allow me into the clean room to see him, but I guess I understood it enough. I guess I was looking a little worse for the wear by the third day after he woke up because Puck commented on my appearance and he doesn't seem like the most observant guy. I shrugged off everyone's concern; I was feeling fine, just a little tired. The day Kurt was supposed to be released back into the Juvenile Oncology ward I woke with a high fever. I had returned to my mom's house for the night and she was away on a business trip. I slept off and on for thirty six hours, too shaky to walk any further than the bathroom more than absolutely necessary. My phone ended up dying at some point during that period. Nick and Jeff broke into my house to find me sleeping on the bathroom floor using towels as blankets soaked in my own sweat, covered in vomit and delirious with fever. I was a bit of a mess.

They took me to the hospital and I spent four days asleep three floors below Kurt as he struggled through his fourth round of Chemo with no way of being there for him. Nick managed to find my phone and charged it for me. When I got it back I had twenty-three missed calls and nearly two hundred text messages. I had been off the radar for four days when I finally got a hold of Finn. He was angry with me, thinking I had run off but forgave me when I explained myself. He mentioned off handedly that Kurt had just gotten back from surgery and he was doing fine and I freaked out so badly my nurse thought I was having delusions again and called in a doctor to order some knock-out drugs.

I woke up several hours later with Puck at my bedside reading Fight Club aloud to me. "'S tha' s'pos' a 'elp?" I asked groggily. He laughed at me, "Nope, there isn't anything on the TV and your Nurse looks in whenever she hears me talk and she is smokin'" he told me cockily. His face turned serious, "You scared the shit out of us there for a few days with your vanishing act." "I'm sorry," I apologized, rubbing my face. "Don't apologies, just don't let your phone die next time you let yourself get incredibly sick. Those preppy friends of your thought you were dead when they found you, man." "Don't tell Kurt," I shot off. He offered up his hands in surrender, "Don't worry on that one, Burt told him you had the flu when you didn't show up after school the day he got released from solitary. I don't blame him; Kurt didn't need to know his boyfriend probably ran off, that was our running theory." I looked at him dejectedly, "they decide what was wrong with me?" I changed the subject. "Dude, you had pneumonia, bronchitis and some sort of infection in your lungs," Puck grinned, continuing on in morbid fascination, relaying tales from Nick and Jeff about my various fever dreams. "Oh, and your mom is one hot MILF." He added as he stood, "I eavesdropped on her and your doc; you're out of here tonight. I'ma take off now, don't visit Kurt. He doesn't need to get sick again." He waved and left, leaving me baffled in his wake.

True to his word I was released from the hospital to my mother's care after dinner. I managed to Skype with Kurt some while I was stuck at my house. He seemed so lost as he filled me on himself. Even with terrible pixilation I could tell how much energy he spent talking to me. Every day that week we Skyped. I told him the official, watered down version of the story. Burt had a conference with my mom and they decided to stick with Burt's original lie to keep Kurt from freaking out and give me an excuse to not visit while I could still possibly get him sick.

His demeanor turned up when he went in for his final round of chemo. He was only miserable for a few hours after chemo each day instead of the normal week long misery. Two days into his round we had regionals. New Directions v Warblers v Vocal Adrenaline. It was so intense. I was glad I wasn't soloist. One of Rachel's dads taped the whole thing. Rachel assaulted the council after the award ceremony to help her with a project for Kurt. Within an hour we managed to throw together a respectable rendition of a Trace Adkins song. We all recorded little messages for Kurt at the end. Rachel promised to edit the video and give everyone discs before running off. I was surprised she didn't finish until Kurt was done with his last session.

We all gathered at the Hummel house the following weekend to watch the video. Only Rachel knew what was on it and she remained mum until it started and she ran a running commentary while Santana threw things at her. I spent the entire time watching Kurt's face. He looked so happy, living vicariously through our performance. As the results ran I leaned over a whispered to him "You know, Nationals are in Los Angeles this year," before sitting back to watch him vibrate with excitement. The party wound down pretty quick after that and within an hour everyone had bid us goodbye. I spent that night with Kurt.

The next week I skipped school to go with Kurt and his family to learn the results of his latest tests. My heart was in my throat as I held him as we sat in those impossibly uncomfortable chairs and the results were explained. His entire body vibrated with pride and his eyes glowed with pride as we left that day hand in hand.

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><p>I sighed, running my hands through my re-grown hair. I hadn't thought about all of the drama that went into the last six months of my life. Kurt had told me that he was writing his memories on the whole thing, so I figured I would do the same.<p>

"Blaine, are you ready?" my mom asked. We were in an airport. I nodded, shoving my laptop into its bag and following her on. "Did you tell Kurt you were going?"

"Of course not," I grinned, "That would ruin the surprise!" she laughed.

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><p>I managed to sneak in with the New Directions without Kurt noticing. I stuck to the back of the group until he seemed to be having a bit of a break down, "I can't do this," he squeaked, waving his arms frantically. I hugged him from behind, "Yes you can," I whispered, "You'll be magnificent."<p>

"Blaine? What are-"

""I'm here for you, now I need to get my seat," I kissed his cheek, tugging his scarf off his head "I love you, break a leg," I waved and ran to the house to find my seat before they took the stage. I had just settled in my seat when he walked out into the spotlight. I watched him, taking in everything from his posture to his recently acquired adorable curls that almost matched my own. He seemed to relax as the introduction played and when he opened his mouth to sing I may have fallen in love with him again.

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><p>End<p>

Sorry if this was a bit much. Blaine's perspective was demanded by some friends. I don't like this one as much as the other but I suppose it is alright.

Reviews, response, criticism?


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